Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
