Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
