Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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