I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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