fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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