i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
