I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
