Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
