you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is the high leading the old right now
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
