fuck your aforementioned shoe
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's paint friendship bongs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
