worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
