half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
