..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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