grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
