My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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