I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
