My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
