Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
