5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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