the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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