Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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