Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
literally had 100 drinks last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
