I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
