I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
