What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
