Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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