Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
