I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
