I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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