I can text with my tongue
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
