i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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