Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
