Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
