I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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