ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
