Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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