One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
