ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
