thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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