i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every concussion has its silver lining
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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