Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
