What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
