Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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