Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
