Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my being single is dangerous.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
