We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
