haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
