just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
