What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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