So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
