I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
