I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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